My Long Lost Friend, Self-Confidence

Before I get into this week’s topic, I’d like to take a moment to thank all of you who have been checking in each week to read my little ramblings- We’ve been on this blogging journey together for a whole month already, friends! The love and support I’ve received from both my inner and broader circle have kept me motivated to continue to share my personal story and the things I’ve learned along the way, and it’s also inspired this week’s topic: Rediscovering self-confidence as a caregiver.

Self-confidence can be fleeting, especially when life throws curveballs at us with today’s social and economic climate. How do we show up as the most confident versions of ourselves while being constantly thrust outside of our comfort zones? Does the “fake it till you make it” method actually work? And what about those best selling self help books? Sure, they’re all viable methods of approach, but rediscovering self-confidence after life hands you an especially sour lemon is truly up to you at the end of the day. And, while nobody can hold your hand along the entire journey, there are a few things that I’ve tried that have helped me to rediscover my self-confidence as a caregiver quicker than I ever anticipated.

For me, routine and organization have always ruled my life- So much so that the first conversation my fiancé and I ever had way back in high school was me showing off my color coded planner (talk about romance!). For you maybe it’s not a color coded planner, but your routine is having your 2pm coffee break every day or laying out your outfit for the next day before bedtime. All of these little routines and organization strategies keep us grounded throughout our day and feed into our self-confidence because we know what we are doing supports us in achieving our overall goals. But, just for a second think about what that organization or routine would look like if your goals changed dramatically. This is exactly where I found myself almost one year ago today, after my mom’s brain injury.

The re-organization process was messy and full of trial and error, and some days I still need to make small adjustments to ensure that my routine supports my new long term goals of becoming the best caregiver I can be for my mom, and the best partner for my fiancé. My 2pm coffee break now starts closer to 3pm and I get my workout in before the sun rises even if it’s a challenge to wake up, because I know that exercise makes me feel confident in my health and physical appearance. Re-establishing organization and building new routines that promote health and positivity in my newest chapter of life have continued to ground me in self-confidence because I know that what I am doing supports who I am becoming, even after the goalposts have been moved.

Learning to find comfort outside of my comfort zone has also been a huge challenge over the last year, and caregiving was definitely outside of my comfort zone in the beginning. Prior to becoming a caregiver, I was a fresh faced college grad looking to make a name for myself in corporate America, and I felt like I was finally getting the hang of it when my whole life changed and my mom became permanently disabled. My “young professional” LinkedIn title started to feel inauthentic and identifying as a full-time caregiver seemed like a misstep when considering my planned career trajectory, because we all know what hiring managers and recruiters say about long gaps in your work history. But, by choosing to embrace the full-time caregiver identity I have begun unlocking new doors that I didn’t even know existed, like connecting with other young caregivers through the internet to learn, teach, and support one another. Embracing my new job title has given me a renewed sense of authenticity, and in turn, a major boost in self-confidence because I feel most confident when I believe that what I am doing and saying is true to who I am as a human being.

Some parts of my routine haven’t changed, of course. I still do (and probably always will) color code my weekly planner, and I still make time to have dinner with friends at least once a month. More than anything, changing the way I think about who I am and the person I am becoming has helped to ground me in authenticity and re-build the self-confidence I lost over the last year. I’m still finding new ways to embrace parts of my caregiving journey that feel uncomfortable, and every day I am getting a clearer picture of the person I hope to become because of this difficult and gratifying experience. My hope is that by sharing my thoughts and what I’ve learned along the way, I help other caregivers lean into their most authentic self and build routines and organization strategies that support the person they want to become, whoever that may be.